Dear College Humor Television,

I was surfing through your site to do some research on what passes for college entertainment for my Senior Seminar project. After trying to force a smile at College Humor.coms April Fools joke this year, I clicked on the CHTV logo to see the first episode of the sites TV show. Im not an expert on college television, but Id like to think I know a thing or two about what is funny, and what makes people want to play with a sheet of metal during a thunderstorm. I can say without any shred of doubt CHTV is the latter.

The fact that College Humor has a developmental deal with SONY Pictures makes me want to cut my wrists, and hope I survive long enough to cut them again. Here is what is wrong with CHTV. First, your host looks like Captain Emo. When I see him I see the face of Dashboard Confessional fans. And studies have shown being exposed to people who like Dashboard or other fine emo music leads to the Ebola virus. Another highly contagious disease that, like emo music, makes people vomit in-between wild fits of fevor and crying in the corner. Man on the street segments dont work for Jay Leno or David Letterman; theyre not going to work for you. And oh yeah, way to be hip and edgy by asking people when was the last time they got laid. Like we havent heard that one on the National Lampoon Network or any HBO special involving regular people. The Black Eyed Peas joke made me want to piss myself.

Not because it was funny, but because the filth I would be swimming in would be more entertaining than the excrement I was watching on your show. A college student in New York City is as far as you can get from the portrayal of the average college student, which you claimed to be reaching in your man on the street segment. There is nothing wrong with college students from New York City, but all because you were too lazy to film the segment elsewhere doesnt give you the right to advertise you were reaching out to the average college student.

The rejected video segment and random fact segments were terrible. The facts werent even funny. College students dont care about the lottery, and the Super Mario Brothers joke died before it even left the hosts mouth. I realize Ebaums World has a TV deal with USA Network to do pretty much what you just did with showing rejected clips, but all because theyre doing it doesnt mean you should. Are you seriously that desperate for something to rip off? If you are I recommend just about anything on Comedy Central because Comedy Central is about as funny as a September 11th movie.

Hey, do you know any funny fart jokes? Why dont you work some of those in there? You can ask Judah Friedlander to write some funny jokes for you. Because his segment was so funny, I was hoping a doctor would come in and tell me I had cancer of the eye, and my brain made up Judah Friedlander to give me a reason not to prolong death. I dont know how he gets work, but like him, I hope your show never reproduces. The last thing we need is another edgy college television show that just makes us look like a bunch of white, quasi-retarded men and women who suffer from alcoholism, slack off, and sleep around. Thanks; at least the next time I dont get hired for a job when I graduate Ill know whom to blame.

Sincerely,

Brandon J. Mendelson