Make no mistake, married men who are fooling around can be wonderfully attentive and romantic. He can be emailing you and calling you on his cell all day long, filling your hungry heart with affirmations you never dreamed of, showering you with gifts, and making rapturous love to you. It can be the stuff of which fantasies are made and heres why: to him it IS a fantasy.

So how can you tell you're having an affair with a married man?

1. Youre suspicious.

If you generically suspect every man you meet of this, its a prejudice and not worth much. However, if you suddenly get suspicious about the individual man youre dealing with, then trust your instincts. Where theres smoke theres fire.

2. His tone of voice gets guarded or he wont make eye contact and is evasive when certain topics come up like family, children, vacations, where he lives, etc.

3. He insists that all contact be on his terms only.

He gives some reason why you must only call him at work or on his cell. You ask for his home phone number and he refuses to give it to you. Disregard the reason. They can be ingenious about this and if youre love-daffy, youll find a way to rationalize his particular excuse. Dont.

4. It's the best sex you've ever had.

Nothing stokes a man's fire like forbidden love unless it's forbidden love with no threat of the "c" word.

5. His hearts not on the line.

You sense an imbalance of vulnerability. When two available people are dating, both are anxious for it to work out, and equally at-risk. When youre playing for keeps and hes just playing, he wont care as much about how youre getting along. He has the security of the marriage and nothing to lose but an exciting good time.

6. Theres a white line on the fourth finger of his left hand, a tan-line from where his wedding ring usually is, and is not when hes with you.

Or theres the outline of a ring in his shirt pocket . 7. He isnt fully disclosing when it would seem appropriate.

He alludes to things hell tell you about later.

8. He has odd reasons for not wanting to go to certain places (like your favorite restaurant).

You first met at a dance hall (where hes known and someone might tell his wife) and after that every place he takes you to is in another county. (There's a part of town he definitely avoids. Guess why?) 9. He pays for restaurants, motels, resorts, and airplane tickets in cash rather than by credit card.

10. He is never available on Sundays.

In some cultures, and with many men, Saturday night may be Boys Night Out, but Sunday is strictly family time. Ditto for holidays. This is part of that peculiar male honor code: OK to cheat. But not on Thanksgiving Day. That's family time.